How to Rescue Harry From a Brick With Only Eleven
by SilverWolf7007
Summary: The wizarding world has a problem. Someone’s kidnapped Harry Potter. Because of this, Voldemort and Dumbledore have called a truce. Remus, Lucius, Sirius, Severus, Fred, George, Percy, Hermione and Draco have to save him so the world can go back to norm
1. Bricks are Bad

Yes, I have lost what little sanity I had left. It's the only excuse.

_Edited 11:30 AM, Thursday 18th August 2005_

* * *

_**How to Rescue Harry From a Brick With Only Eleven People**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

**_Chapter One: Bricks are Bad_**

Lord Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore had called a truce. Not the first thing anyone was expecting them to do. And it was all because some psychopath was trying to take over the world.

This threat actually had a motto, which was "I want to take over the world, but I'll settle for Scotland for now."

He was complete evil; there was nothing good about him. And he had done something that was unforgivable.

Something that had brought the wizarding worlds most bitter enemies and complete opposites together.

Something that made Voldemort forget about killing Muggles and Muggleborns.

Something that made the Ministry of Magic forget about capturing Sirius Black, and ignore the fact that he was a criminal on the run when he was helping them track down this terrible monster.

Something that made Dumbledore forget about killing Voldemort.

Something that caused every single wizard and witch to call and alliance.

He had kidnapped Harry Potter.

His name was Brickie, and he was the Lord High Brick of Brickland. He was a brick.

* * *

The Alliance Against Brickie, or the AAB as they were called, were meeting in a neutral place: a strategically placed large shack in the Forbidden Forest, owned by a vampire named Sylvan. He and his housemates, who lived not far away, were also part of the AAB.

The AAB were seated around a large table. At each end were Dumbledore and Voldemort, with the other members between them.

Everyone had been surprised when Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy and Sirius Black hadn't shown up for the AAB meetings. It was extremely unusual for those four not to get involved.

"I call this meeting of the Alliance Against Brickie to order," Fudge called. Everyone ignored him, because he's an idiot.

"Okay people, settle down and listen!" a voice called. Everyone shut up and turned to a glaring vampire. Sylvan nodded in satisfaction. "Now, why don't we all listen to what Dumbledore has to say?"

Everyone turned to look at the Headmaster of Hogwarts. "We called this meeting because we believe that we know where Brickie is hiding, and we are looking for someone to volunteer to rescue Harry."

There was complete silence, indicating that no one was really willing to risk their lives and sanity to rescue the Boy-Who-Lived from the insane block.

"Oh for my sake!" James cried. He was one of Sylvan's vampire friends, extremely self-centred, and slightly crazy. "Aren't any of you daft idiots going to rescue the poor kid? He's probably being tortured right now!"

* * *

**_Off in Brickie's Evil Lair..._**

Harry was staring transfixed in horror at a large rabbit dressed in a purple dinosaur suit.

"I love you, you love me..." it continued to sing the Barney song.

"It's worse than a large fluffy bunny rabbit, it's a large fluffy bunny rabbit in a Barney suit," Harry muttered, sounding terrified, and yet strangely fascinated.

The sound of evil laughter drifts to his ears from the direction of Brickie's bedroom.

"My boss is pure evil," commented Brickie's left hand man, Mr Psychiatrist. Then he looked confused. "What did I just say?"

Dr Brian, Brickie's right hand man, rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about it. You're very forgetful, aren't you?"

"I don't know, I can't remember. Am I?"

"I rest my case."

Harry shuddered as the Barney/bunny continued to sing. He sincerely hoped that someone would come to save him soon. He'd even rather Voldemort and the Cruciatus Curse to Brickie and his torture methods.

* * *

"James isright, much as it pains me to admit it," someone said from the doorway. "You people are a bunch of pansies."

Everyone turned, and they were shocked to see Sirius standing there, along with Lucius, Severus and Remus. They were all alive, unhurt, and even seemed to be getting along, due to the significant lack of Death Glares.

"What are you lot doing here?" Voldemort asked.

Remus glanced at Lucius, who stepped forward. "We've been planning, plotting, searching, finding, scheming, and finally we've come to a decision."

"Which is?" McGonagall queried.

"We have decided to go on a quest to save Harry from the clutches of Brickie," Sirius announced.

"And unlike you lot, we'll actually succeed, due to the fact that we have resolved our differences," Severus continued.

"And we even have a system of order. I mean, at least we know who's in charge," Lucius added, smirking at Fudge, Dumbledore and Voldemort.

"Really?" Arthur Weasley said incredulously. "You mean to tell us that the four of you actually picked a leader?"

The four nodded.

"Who?" Dumbledore questioned. "And how?"

"Well, our leader was pretty much taking over the show anyway, giving out jobs, orders, and information from the very beginning." Sirius turned and grinned at Remus. "He's the only reason that none of us are dead."

"Remus? You're the leader?" Molly said.

The werewolf nodded. "I am. This lot actually listen to me, if you can believe it. Anyway, back to business. We're here for a reason. We were wondering, would anyone want to come on our quest and help rescue Harry?"

There was silence for a minute.

"I'll come," two voices said.

Sirius groaned. "I thought you might."

James and Sylvan grinned, standing up and joining the other four by the doorway.

"Anyone else?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, all right," two more voices replied. Hermione and Draco glared at each other, but stood up.

No one else volunteered.

"We'll just be leaving then," Lucius said, turning to go.

"Wait!" three voices cried.

Fred, George and Percy Weasley stood up and joined the group going to save Harry.

"Bye!" the group called.

"Good luck!" yelled the Dark Lord and the Headmaster.

* * *

What do you think? Worth continuing?

Please review!

_S. Wolf_


	2. This Day is Going to be Hell

Please don't kill me! I have been VERY busy and am finally getting back into writing my fics. 

Guys, as much as I want to reply to all your reviews, I'm in a hurry 'cause it's late, so I'll have to just put names, 'kay?

Thank you all so much, though, I really appreciate it!

Leather clad DRACO

Marie Moon

life

Fluffy1989

f0xyness39 (Ron was just a little, well, slow with speaking up. Actually, I kinda forgot him for a bit, then didn't bother putting him in for fear of overcrowding)

AbigailNicole

LoonyLoopyLisa

Aofyn Eyadanoah (well, mainly for the sake of insanity and humour, and also because they're evil and cant torture him if he's been captured by a brick.)

Alex Lyons3

AC

Lyla Snape

Ticking Clock

Kiori (And I LIKED your 'brickland rocks' joke!)

Raine

Jess16

TokyoTeen

Malfoy's Angel

crazy person

Ocean Goddess of Mirkwood

Laurel Elven (Honey, your review just confused me. you say it's great, you say it's an insult to J.K. Rowling, and you say it's not a flame. Lucky I didn't dwell on it, else I'd be real confused.)

bella trix (well, they have to save Harry still!)

_Updated 11:30 AM Thursday 18th August 2005_

* * *

_**How to Rescue Harry From a Brick With Only Eleven People**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_**Chapter Two: This Day Is Going To Be Hell**_

It occurred to Remus only ten minutes after leaving the Meeting that collecting more people was a bad idea. He'd had enough trouble just stopping Lucius, Severus and Sirius from killing one another, and now...

James and Sylvan, though they seemed like they got along, actually never stopped arguing. The two vampires had been friends forwell over eighthundred years, and acted like enemies half the time.

Hermione and Draco detested each other, and Hermione was suspicious about Draco's motives for helping them find Harry. Meanwhile, Draco wasn't helping by refusing to answer her nagging questions.

Lastly, Fred and George were taunting Percy about leaving the safety of the Ministry to rush off into danger. Percy merely smirked at them, and they fell silent for a minute. This process began again over and over.

The only reason that Remus didn't drop the idea and run away from them all while screaming hysterically was because of Harry.

Remus sighed. "I really do have a death wish."

Percy nodded glumly. "I think we both do."

"Cheer up!" Sirius exclaimed. "No need to worry, my friends, we'll save Harry from that detestable piece of... Whatever bricks are made of!"

The werewolf eyed him suspiciously. "Padfoot, why exactly are you so cheerful?"

The dark haired man shifted guiltily. "No particular reason...Poor Snape got into a bit of an accident, is all."

"Uh huh. And how did you cause this 'accident'?"

"Me?" Sirius said innocently. "Why, I didn't do a thing!"

"BLACK!"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Uh, yeah," Sirius said distractedly, nervously gazing around to try and find the irate Potions Master.

"And what was this accident?" Percy asked, mildly curious (and hoping that it would be amusing, of course).

"Oh, he just, er, fell upwards into a tree and got his underwear stuck. And then he accidentally managed to lose his robes."

"So he's hanging from a tree in his underwear...BY his underwear?" Remus demanded incredulously.

Sirius nodded. "Pretty much, Moony."

"Ye gods..." Percy murmured. "May we all be spared that sight again in the future."

* * *

Harry was crouched in the corner of his pink barred cell, staring in shock at what had appeared just outside it.

"Why me?" he mumbled. "Oh god, kill me now, I don't want - "

"Harry my boy! Wonderful to see you! Have you read my new book? How about I sign a copy for you?"

Our poor, tortured hero moaned as Gilderoy Lockhart moved in closer, holding a book and that gaudy peacock feather quill.

"I don't deserve this..."

"Nonsense Harry! There's no need to be humble, I'd always sign a book for a fellow celebrity, even one not as well known or loved as me."

Harry ignored him. "At least it's not - "

"Harry Potter! Oh my _god_! I can actually _see _you! Like, up _close_!" There was a squeal.

He sighed. "Of course. A rabid second year Hufflepuff fangirl. Now all we need is - "

Rita Skeeter, Colin Creevey and Crabbe and Goyle walked in and over to the pink bars.

"This day can _not _get any worse."

"Famous last words," sneered Pansy Parkinson.

* * *

Lucius didn't know how it had happened. One minute he was quite happily - well, not miserably - walking next to his son (who was still being nagged by Hermione, but they were both ignoring her), and the next he was walking at the back of the group between Sylvan and James.

This is a very bad place to be.

James was, for some reason, insisting that black was white, and vice versa. Sylvan was insisting that white couldn't be black, as it was green.

Lucius had had his suspicions about the vampires, and this confirmed it.Over eightcenturiesor so had gotten to them. They were completely insane.

"White cant be _green_, Sylv. It doesn't even look _green_. It's black."

"No, my dear James, you are mistaken. White is green. Black is orange. Get it right, man!"

"I am right, Sylvan. _You _are mistaken. For my sake get it round the right way!"

Lucius sighed. He was in for a _long _walk.

* * *

Yeah I know, it's very short. I'll try for longer next time, promise!

Please review!

_S. Wolf_


	3. Torture and Time Stoppage

**_How to Rescue Harry From a Brick With Only Eleven People_**

_By SilverWolf7007 _

**_Chapter Three: Torture and Time Stoppage_**

Harry had been in the cell for an indeterminable amount of time – and he was _not_ enjoying it.

The pink bars had begun to glow radioactively not long after Pansy had arrived, causing him to cringe away from them. Unfortunately, it was a four walled cage, so that left him cowering in the very middle – where, conveniently enough, a large blue cushion was situated.

The three Slytherins, one reporter, one Hufflepuff fangirl, one wannabe photographer, and one miraculously cured of memory loss moron were standing around the cage, each one trying their own personal tortures on the Boy-Who-Lived.

The large fluffy bunny rabbit in a Barney suit had, thankfully, disappeared. Harry had been tempted to throw a party when he'd realised that. Of course, as the only people who would be able to attend were currently torturing him (admittedly in a rather obscure way), he decided against the party.

It wasn't long before Harry received a shock. Not an electric shock, which he soon began to see as preferable, but a shock nonetheless.

His tormentors were backing away, suddenly silent. There was an expression of fearful respect on each of their faces, an expression Harry had always imagined the Death Eaters wore around Voldemort.

Dr Brian walked forward, Mr Psychiatrist on his heels. "Greetings, young kidnapped wizard," he said brightly.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "I'm not entirely certain I like your tone, Doc," he warned.

Not intimidated in the least, Dr Brian chuckled. "Don't think you can intimidate me, prisoner! I work for _Lord Brickie_."

As though summoned by his very name, the brick in question appeared.

Were he not in a cage due to it, Harry probably would have laughed at the vision before him. Laughed, choked, and kicked it over just for the fun of it. Causing it much pain.

Okay, so Harry was feeling a little tense.

Brickie was larger than the average brick. He was two feet tall, rectangular, and a dark brownish red. This was not the part that almost amused Harry.

For the Lord High Brick of Brickland was dressed appropriately for his station, in a long, red fur cape trimmed (of course) in white fur, there was a golden crown set with rubies atop his head – and in his hand (attached to an arm, attached to his body, which _really_ worried Harry) there was a three foot long solid gold staff, with what appeared to be a tennis ball sized ruby attached to the tip.

Harry blinked. "I'm guessing you're the block of clay that put me in this cage, huh?"

He was treated to a scowl – yes, this brick had a face and all.

"Indeed," replied a clipped, slightly gravely tone. "And now, I am going to honour you by performing a song.

Harry, who had been feeling an odd sense of déjà vu since he'd laid eyes on Dr Brian and Mr Psychiatrist, felt a tingle of dread go up his spine and settle on his head.

"Dr Brian! Mr Psychiatrist! Bring me the Purple Plastic Mike of Doom and the Evil Blue Milk Crate/Stage! I shall perform my hit single for Mr Potter here!"

The two minions in question did as they were asked, and Harry noted as they did so that they both had bright pink earplugs in their ears – obviously only to block out certain sounds.

They helped Brickie onto his makeshift stage and Harry repressed a terrified shudder as Dr Brian passed over the mike.

"Yeah, I'm so evil! I am the evilest guy in the world! I am the most evil! I am an evil brick! I will rule the world! I will I will I will! Yeah, yeah, yeah!"

Harry forced back a scream.

* * *

Lucius was the first to realise that they had developed a slight problem, and that was only because he was desperately searching for something to distract him from Sylvan and James's argument, which had only gotten weirder once they had moved off the subject of colours.

"Uh, Remus," he began, hurrying to catch up with their leader.

The man in question turned around and raised a curious eyebrow, obviously glad to be called back for something other than Sirius making Severus's life as miserable as possible. "Yes, Lucius?"

"Have you noticed that we've been walking for three hours, it only took us half an hour to walk _in _to the forest to the shack in the first place, and that we're _still in the forest_?"

Remus blinked, turning in a circle to inspect their current environment. "You know, I can honestly say that I've been distracted enough to miss that up until now. Um…this _is _a problem, isn't it?"

"Yes," Lucius murmured. "And I don't know what we can do about it."

"I do," Remus said grimly. "But it may involve a lot of mental pain and stress for us all."

Lucius winced. "And what is this _brilliant_ idea of yours?"

"We ask those morons back there who _live_ in this forest, of course."

"Oh yeah," the blond said sheepishly. "I didn't think of that…possibly on purpose. I'm not sure I'd want to get into the middle of their argument about…what are they arguing about now?"

Remus sighed wearily. "They seem to be trying to decide which of them is more honest…and I believe it may be a game. Called Honest Vamp. There are rules and everything."

"Oh dear."

"Quite."

"So, who are we sending into the danger zone?" Lucius asked with a smirk.

Remus smirked back. "Well, Sirius seems to having trouble finding something to occupy him…"

For a moment, both men thought this was a good idea. Then they realised that, left to talk to the two vampires, there was a very good possibility that Sirius would never get the answers they wanted, as he had the unfortunate tendency to grate violently on Sylvan's nerves.

"Perhaps not," Lucius said, wincing.

"Good point," Remus agreed. "Severus is still too annoyed to hold any type of decent conversation, and the twins are unable to get over Percy being able to smirk in a non-smug arsehole manner, and Percy himself is too busy having fun with his brothers…"

"Which leaves," Lucius realised. "Either you and I, or Draco and Hermione."

"Or all four of us," Remus corrected. "I can see those four killing each other as well, left to their own devices. We'll have to be brave, Lucius. But we can bring the kiddies along."

Lucius took a deep breath and nodded. "So, are we going in?"

Remus replied by turning, grabbing Hermione's arm and dragging the feebly protesting girl to the back of the group. Sighing, Lucius did the same to his son and followed.

It only took them moments to reach the arguing vampires, even with the two confused and struggling teenagers in tow.

"No, James, I believe that you are mistaken. As you agreed before, nicknames that are derived from a person's actual name do not count as against the rules. So I can call you Jimmy, or Jim, or Jimmykins – "

"But please don't," his dark haired companion murmured.

"And you can call me Sylv. But you _can't_ call me Blondie."

James frowned thoughtfully. "By your reasoning, I could also refer to you as Sylvia, or Silly."

Sylvan blinked, blinked again, and sighed. "All right, point to you?"

"Thank you," James replied with a somewhat smug smile. "But I think your argument, that brought about my point, had merit of its own. A tie, I think. We've now won three rounds each. Shall we continue to round six?"

"In a moment," Sylvan said, turning away from him. "First I believe we should find out what our esteemed leader, his self appointed second in command and their kiddies-in-tow wish to talk to us about."

"That's a good plan," James agreed.

Both vampires turned and gave their complete attention to the four.

Remus was the only one not daunted by the fixated gaze from one pair of dark blue and one pair of dark gold eyes. So while Lucius, Draco and Hermione shifted nervously, he was ready to bring up their little issue.

"We have a problem, boys," he told them. "Do you realise how long we've been walking for? We should be well out of the forest by now."

"What?" Sylvan yelped. "But we've only been walking for – " He looked at his watched and stopped. "Oh," he said quietly. "I guess we lost track of time…"

James, who didn't actually wear a watch of his own, grabbed Sylvan's hand and turned it so he could study the dark blue face and white numbers. He shook it, tapped it and frowned at it thoughtfully.

Sylvan finally pulled his hand back. "Jimmy. I do _need _that hand, you know."

"Of course. Sorry."

Remus sighed. "Any ideas, then?"

The vampires exchanged a glance before answering together. "Not a clue."

Draco, however, after hearing their problem, came up with a backup plan that probably should have been Plan A. "How about you, Granger? Any theories?"

Hermione grinned brightly and nodded. "Oh yes. You see, I believe that the evil Lord Brickie somehow found out either where our little group is, or, and this is the theory I truly support, he found out where the meeting of the AAB was to be held."

Lucius and even Remus were stunned beyond words, as were Sirius, Percy, Fred, George, Sylvan and James.

Draco, however, was just listening in with a slight smirk, having known she'd probably have a good idea of what was going on.

Severus, too, had known Hermione quite well over the past six or so years, and was used to her going off on a brilliant rant. "Go on, Miss Granger."

"Well, what would you do if you found out where the people who were likely to want to rescue your current hostage were holding a meeting to plot against you?" she asked the group.

Percy blinked. "Kill them all off?"

Hermione frowned. "All right, so that's the _better_ idea. But if all I've heard about him is true, I firmly suspect that Brickie is completely and utterly nutters."

Draco was nodding. "Yes, and when you're completely insane, you always use the second or third best plans. Not for any real reason, of course," he added.

"Well no," James agreed. "You just _do_. And that's why Brickie has done…whatever he's done." He turned to Hermione expectantly.

"I think…well, I think he's trapped the forest in a time loop. Or something." She faltered slightly. "I don't really know for sure, of course, and I could easily be way off track."

But Sylvan was shaking his head, beginning to grin. "No, you're absolutely right!"

"I am?" she demanded happily.

"She is?" the twins echoed, somewhat sceptical.

Hermione glared at them.

"Yes, she is," Sylvan confirmed. We're not stuck in a time _loop_, exactly, we're stuck in time itself!"

"Of course!" Remus exclaimed. "Because of the failsafe, yes?"

Both Sylvan and James nodded.

"Okay, let's move backwards for those of us _without_ telepathy," Sirius protested.

"Do not have telepathy," Remus muttered in a sulky tone.

"We know, Remus," Lucius told him, patting him on the head. He received a glare for his troubles.

Sylvan sighed and decided it was up to him to explain. "All right, you lot. The shack in the forest is protected by a failsafe mechanism that's designed to go off two ways. Way one is if someone tries to blow it up, or shoot it, or something like that. Way two, which is probably what Brickie did, is a little switch that it's impossible not to pull if you're trying to meddle with it."

"And what does it actually _do_?" Fred and George asked.

"Why, it stops time in the forest, of course."

"Stops time in the forest?" Hermione asked with a confused frown. "But even if it stopped time, it wouldn't actually stop us leaving."

"Well no," James allowed. "It also has illusions, barriers and the occasional deterrent spell to stop you accidentally leaving when the outside world might be completely uninhabitable."

"Then how do we get out and save Harry?" Sirius demanded.

"Simple," James told him with a bright grin. "We go out the back door exit thingy."

"The…back door…exit thingy…?" Draco said weakly.

"Oh yes," Sylvan said. "We've got to have _some_ way of getting out, don't we?"

"I…suppose so," Sirius agreed.

* * *

You know, Brickie originally came into existence as a prop in one of my Animorph scripts. I think Marco used him to whack an hysterical Erek over the head with, and then Tobias, Tom and Jalil (I think) adopted him – up until the point he talked to them. He then starred as the evil villain kidnapping Harry in Tobias's Secret.

Yes, that little story was to delay the grovelling.

_(Grovels pitifully)_

Okay, that's over.

Anyway, billions of thanks to those who reviewed, billions and billions and billions…okay, so maybe I'm still grovelling a little…

_the crazy ladies, **LoonyLoopyLisa, **Vanyaria Shadow, **silver-sunn101, **SlytherinSilverPrince, **JulyFlame, **Queen's Own Herald Talia, **SpaceMonkey-Lover-SG1, **Prince Snivellus, **SiriusWolf, **NSW, **Elle, **Werewolf Coquette, **Kira, **aniala, **HeadGirl1, **SBR, **hermione1208, **DeppDRACOmaniac, **#1Draco/HermioneShipper.**_

Again, thanks all so much.

Please forgive me for the long wait.

Please review!

_S. Wolf_


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